by Sheri McGregor
The tale of “Cinderella” holds a theme of family dysfunction and its effect on the children. Charles Perrault’s version features a parent with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) fitting modern diagnostic criteria, and unfolds to show resulting children’s traits that follow patterns common to NPD families. This dysfunctional pattern affects children’s choices into adulthood.
For clarity, any discussion of narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) must begin with a description of the disorder from the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders – Fourth Edition (DSM-IV), which is the most current version. The criteria are as follows:
A pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), need for admiration, and lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:
1. has a grandiose sense of self importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements)
2. is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
3. believes that he or she is “special” and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high status people (or institutions)
4. requires excessive admiration
5. has a sense of entitlement, i.e., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations
6. is interpersonally exploitative, i.e., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends
7. lacks empathy; is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others
8. is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her
9. shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes. (qted. in Payson, 21)
Examining the first line of Perrault’s “Cinderella” [in french Cendrillon - ed] from the 3rd edition of Folk & Fairy Tales edited by Martin Hallett and Barbara Karasek, the reader receives a blatant clue as to which parent has NPD: “Once upon a time there was a worthy man who married for his second wife the haughtiest, proudest woman that had ever been seen” (39). From the first line, this “haughtiest” woman explicitly fits no. 9 of the DSM-IV criteria. The fact that she is the “haughtiest, proudest woman that had ever been seen” (39) hints at the grandiosity with which the stepmother is characterized, thus the first of the criteria also exists.
Perrault’s second line states that her two daughters have similar personalities, possessing “their mother’s temper” and resembling “her in everything” (39). Cinderella, however, is placed as the opposite. “Exceptionally sweet,” she receives these virtues “from her mother” who is characterized as having been “the nicest person in the world” (39).
Such polarized traits set up family dynamics in which the NPD parent identifies her children as either “rivaled” or “chosen” (Payson 63-67). One also wonders about the deceased mother whose goodness is equally grandiose. Perhaps she, too, was a narcissist, whose effects are evident in Cinderella’s father’s choice in a second wife. One might speculate that the mother, memorialized in death as the “nicest person in the world” (39) might have died while Cinderella was too young to know her true nature. Cinderella thus relies on her father’s perception, which may reflect his remaining under the narcissist’s spell. According to Elizabeth D. Payson, MSW, in her book, The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists: Coping With the One-Way Relationship in Work, Love, and Family, a sense of awe over a narcissist and her charm is often the case during a relationship. “The seduction into the narcissist’s world is profound,” says Payson (7).
Leaving behind the speculation, let us look at the second paragraph of Perrault’s rendering, in which he explains the stepmother’s feelings toward Cinderella: “She could not endure the excellent qualities of this young girl, for they made her own daughters appear more hateful than ever” (39). According to Payson, the story reflects “the challenge of a child surviving the negative projections of an NPD parent” (67). In the stepmother’s warped NPD thinking, Cinderella’s good traits of empathy, sensitivity and caring represent all the stepmother unconsciously finds lacking in herself and her daughters, who are her “chosen” children under Payson’s explanation of NPD family dynamics. The daughters, though not characterized by Perrault as deserving of special treatment are given “rooms with parquet flooring, and beds of the most fashionable style” (39). The stepmother is characterized as equally undeserving of special treatment or honor, yet she is in charge of the household. Cinderella endures hard work, wretched treatment and ridicule, “not daring to complain to her father” (39) who “would have scolded her, because he was entirely ruled by his wife” (39).
Despite Cinderella’s suffering, it is interesting to note that by the end of Perrault’s third paragraph, the girl is being characterized with as much grandiosity as her mother and stepmother. Perrault makes it clear that even wearing tattered clothes, she is “a hundred times more beautiful than her sisters for all their resplendent garments” (39). Herein lies the clue that in one form or another, NPD is passed along to the children of such a parent.
Payson reveals that the child may become co-dependent (62). We see Cinderella display this when she helps her stepsisters prepare for the ball, giving her best suggestions on what to wear and offering “to dress their hair” (40), even though in the next scene she is bitterly crying. She wanted to go, too, yet she helps her stepsisters to look their best, which is characteristic of co-dependency.